Unfortunately, the Single Married Man does exist. This is the guy who, during my online dating days, when flicking left or right you’d see on the websites and know he’s married. Do you tell his wife, who happens to be your friend that their husband is on POF or Tinder looking for a bit of extra-curricular activity?
I’ve fallen prey to a few of these. Never one to get involved with them as firstly they are friend's husbands who know I’m single and want a bit on the side and secondly married men are not my thing thanks.
Let me take you back to the divorced single years. Once these SMM’s (Single Married Men) heard about the divorce they came crawling out of the woodwork. One night I was out and received a random iMessage from, let’s call him Rod for ease of reference, asking me if I was out and where I was. Thought it was a bit strange but I’d had a few drinks so told him where I was. Five minutes later there he was propping up the bar next to me. First thing he said which is a typical SMM comment was, ‘Don’t tell [wife's name] I’m here.
This is a clever thing for the SMM to say as he is automatically getting you involved in his deceit and lies to his wife and there’s no going back from that. You are then automatically entwined in his drama. You either tell his wife and they end up arguing which always ends up your fault in the end as no doubt he will tell her that you encouraged him to go which equals friendship over or you have no choice but to go along with it.
This one night Rod stayed out until silly o’clock with me and I had his wife on the phone the next morning furious with him and telling me all about him stumbling in the door looking like a tramp. Slap bang there I was right in the middle of a marriage drama which I knew all about but couldn’t say. I suppose I could’ve said, ‘Yeah Rod was with me all night in a lap dancing club until four o’clock in the morning, spending all your shopping money on lap dancers,’ but I didn’t.
Moving onto example number two and believe me I could go on for pages, but I’m just picking out my top two. Let’s call this one, Paul.
I happened to be out again and Paul also happened to be in the same bar. I knew his wife very well and of course we got chatting. The same SMM line came out, ‘Don’t tell [wife's name] I’m here.’ Lessons learnt as above; so I didn’t. Not my business and not getting involved. We had a few drinks and we went to a few bars. At the end of the night, it was a taxi for me and that was that.
Not for him though, oh no. I got text after text asking to meet up. I got messages saying that we had ‘unfinished business’ and iMessage after iMessage every time his wife, my friend, went to bed.
The pinnacle of this was when I received a Valentine’s Day card through the post (something he hadn’t sent his wife) from him. The reason I knew he hadn’t sent his wife one is because, as I said, his wife was a friend. Yet I got a lovely expensive card that he’d obviously got printed personally, just for me. Flattered? No! More importantly, how did he know my address?
I am single and I can do what I want but these SMM’s are not. I happen to have morals and so a married man can do one. This even includes Sylvester Stallone (and I say that with tears in my eyes).
I’m not writing this to name and shame, I’m writing it to say, just because I’m single does not mean I want to share you with your wife or anyone else for that matter.