I stayed in my marriage at least five years more than I should have. Why did I waste those five years? For me, it was the children.
I remember ringing my dad and telling him I wanted to leave. ‘Well, you’re not happy, so leave,’ he replied. To be fair, if I’d told my dad I was leaving a king, he’d have still said the same.
I felt inspired and ready to tell the husband I was going but then I looked at my two children, the family unit; how could I say those words and break up the family. So, on I trudged.
The actress came out in me; for my children. I’d go along with the full weekend of sports, Sky sports or otherwise; for the children. I’d accept the feet-up on the sofa when he’d finished work, whilst I made dinners, took them to after-school clubs, put them to bed and then worked once they were asleep. It was all for them.
I’d also accept and in the end, be grateful, he was too busy to go on family holidays due to work so I took them camping, attended school trips, parent’s evenings, school plays, took them on weekends away and everything else a family does; but I paid for and did it all myself. I already felt like a single parent.
I did it for my children but I also did it for me. My children were too little for me to disrupt them from the routine of family. So, I stayed. I brought them into this world as a family and from a split family myself, it would bring repercussions. I knew this.
Life is too short to be unhappy. Life is too short to take second best. It got to the point when I dreaded every car that pulled up on the street around 6pm as I knew it may be him and the fun me and the kids had earlier would be ruined. My children were the most important.
He hated all my friends but I had to socialise with his. I didn’t mind though at the time as it meant when he saw his friends at least I got a break.
How long do you put up with it?
I know friends who are not happy but put up with it. I know a very close relation who lived with her husband for years so unhappy and wouldn’t leave him as she thought the other side was worse.
Believe me, it isn’t. The other side is better but it takes courage, friends on your side and strength. Leaving a marriage isn’t easy. I had my children to consider but I also had the Leo selfish thought. ‘Do you really want to spend the rest of your life unhappy with this person.’
Believe me, it is easier to stay; I understand that, but then my thoughts now are; if I had stayed in this marriage I’d have died unhappy and wasted my life.
If you stay in a marriage or relationship just because…just because of what? It’s easier, safer, convenient? Is that what you want on your headstone when you die?
I made do then I died
I didn’t and I won’t.
So, despite the upset, drama and trauma, I ventured into the unknown of being single. I was on my own. There was only me having to deal with the consequences of my actions it would have on my two children.