A friendship is a relationship but what defines friendship? It is said that if you can count your true friends on one hand you’ve done well. I’ve been fortunate enough to virtually acquire another three hands as I’ve been truly lucky with my true friends.
Let’s, for this purpose, divide friends into three categories. Firstly, we have the true friends, let’s call them The Trues. Secondly, we have The Acquaintances, let’s call them The A’s and finally, the Loved but Lost, let’s call them The LBL’s.
The first category, The Trues are the ones I could count on four hands, not one. The Trues have stood by me through thick and thin or more like sick and sin. No matter what I’ve done, said or been through The Trues have been with me back-to-back. Don’t get me wrong I have tested the boundaries with every single one of The Trues but all The Trues know me well enough to know that deep down, I’m in the True Crew and have and will continue to be there for all of them, no matter what.
A few of The Trues I’ve known since I was 4, 11, 19, 24 and a few Trues I’ve met in my 40’s. I met very few Trues, in my 30’s; the married years, as the ex-husband’s insecurity did not allow too many new friends, except if they were his, of course.
Anyway, enough of him and back to The Trues who I know, for sure, will be with me forever, no matter what.
I’m not sure if many of you know the term ‘back-to-back’ but I first heard it from my mum, The Queen of the Trues, who when we were watching a Clint Eastwood movie years ago explained it like this (said in Geordie accent):-
‘Back-to-back R is like two cowboys going in for the final duel in the Wild West and they have to trust that each other will do those ten paces before one of them turns around at the exact ten paces to shoot the other. You have to therefore implicitly trust the person not to shoot you prior to doing the ten paces.
That is back-to-back R.’
(A Fistful of Dollars – 1964).
What my mum meant of course is that it’s all about the trust and of course I don’t want to ever have to shoot any of The Trues but this is just an example of the reasons The Trues are my forever friends. You all know who you are. The Trues are the ones you don’t have to speak to for months but can pick up the phone and it is just like yesterday. The Trues are the ones you can call in the middle of the night for a drunken rant and they will listen to you or at least put you on voicemail and call you back in the morning asking if you are okay. The Trues are loyal, are never afraid to tell you how annoying, unpredictable and crap you are. The Trues accept you as you are, laugh with you, not at you and never judge you.
Let’s go onto The Acquaintances; The A’s. The A’s are, of course, equally as important as The Trues but The A’s could let you down at any minute, are happy to gossip about you behind your back and need a hazard warning for you to trust them.
The main difference between The Trues and The A’s is that The Trues will always be there to help. The Trues are straightforward and to the point and without any comeback whilst The A’s will always be comfortable sitting on the fence advising from afar, yet texting the other A’s telling them everything you’ve just told them. The Trues accept and understand you more than The A’s would ever be able to in 1,000 years.
Don’t get me wrong, I have many of The A’s in my life now who I genuinely adore but as long as you know The A’s will do all of the above and you accept them as they are then The A’s friendship can be just as equally important as The Trues. The A’s will generally be around for a random night out, if needed, as The A’s are always about themselves and as long as you know that then The A’s can provide lots of fabulous, fun nights out and if you never discuss anything personal with The A’s then they can provide just as good a friendship as The Trues.
Finally, we have The Loved but Lost, The LBL’s. The LBL’s are in fact not really worthy of a mention, mainly because they are The LBL’s for a reason. Yet, I will give them a paragraph, or two. The LBL’s are the pretend friends and with the LBL’s I use the word ‘friends’ very loosely.
The LBL’s are like leeches. They suck you into believing they are The Trues, or even The A’s but after you do something that The Trues would forgive you for, The LBL’s suck you dry and spit you out.
The LBL’s gossip about you behind your back, constantly judge you and are so two-faced it must be hard for them to choose which face to put make-up on in the morning.
Yet, they are perfectly fabulous to your face. I’ve nothing against The LBL’s except to say they are Loved and Lost for a reason and just like leeches they will never be invited to suck off my skin again.
So, there you have it. The Define Friendship opinion. I can only focus on the amount of The Trues and The A's I have in my life and I’ve dismissed the LBL’s as they are LBL’s for a reason. I have my family; I have The Trues and I also have The Love of my Life who are all back-to-back with me.
Maybe we should all look at our Trues, A’s and LBL’s and think about this; how many of The Trues do you actually have in your life?
(Define Relationship blog by &R)