Breaking Up Is Hard To Do (but you need to get over it)
Unless you have only been with only one partner then we all know how difficult it can be when you know the end of the relationship is imminent.
It maybe you who has had to make the choice to end it or it maybe that your partner has taken the initiative or it maybe a mutual decision. Either way, someone or both parties are going to get hurt. In my experience, it's never easy to part ways.
In my twenties, I was so worried about ending my relationship I didn’t even tell him it was over. I just packed my things and moved out. I called my brother and he came to Leeds with a van and we had moved everything out within the hour and that was that. I remember the day vividly and my bro saying,' Rachael, I came over with a van to move furniture, not clothes. handbags, & shoes.'
He was right in his comment, but seriously all you'd ever want out a flat is your shoes, handbags and clothes.
Anyway, the ex came home from work and I was gone. That was definitely not the best way to say it was over, but it seemed the easiest at the time.
There was no one else involved, I just didn’t want to be with him anymore. I was nervous that if I saw him, like the many other times, he would once again persuade me to stay and I knew I did not, under any circumstances, want to stay. I also knew I didn’t want to waste any more time with someone out of loyalty and not love. Life is too short for that malarkey.
I didn’t learn my lesson though as in relationship number two I did the same. I hadn’t made the mistake this time of moving in with him but this time I just left one morning and never got in touch with him again. There were no mobile phones so contact was by home telephone. Of course, he called but I was either never there (I'd actually moved to America, bit drastic, but true) and left my mum to take his calls.
It was a terrible way to end a relationship and today thinking back, I’d hate it if someone did that to my children…but it was a learning curve for later.
Moving into the future I refused to run away from the fact it was over but would end it face-to-face, that way there was no animosity and just a straight, clean cut.
There was one guy, however, who could not accept it was over and would stand outside my work and follow me to wherever I was going. He would randomly turn up in bars I went to and come over to talk. There is nothing more embarrassing than the ex who cannot let go. In the end, I had to get a restraining order sent to him to stop him from harassing me. Not cool.
Ending a relationship is never easy but accepting it is over and there is no going back is harder.
I know many people who have had this problem and I know many people who do it. They just cannot accept the fact the relationship is over so they stalk their ex and even worse, his/her new girlfriend/boyfriend. It’s so much easier to do this as well with all the social media apps. As mentioned previously in The Art of the Stalker blog I & II. How dare he/she be with someone else after you and worse still, how dare he be happy? Then come all the insults, ‘She’s (He’s) fatter than me.’ ‘Her/his hair is a mess.’ ‘Look at what she’s (he’s) wearing.’ ‘He/she must be desperate.’
The fact is, he/she is not desperate, he/she just doesn’t want to be with you anymore. End of.
There was one guy who emailed me on Twitter asking for advice as to how he can get his ex-girlfriend back. This is the million and one dollar question and harsh but fair I told him to stop being needy, stop stalking her and her new boyfriend and get a life. The last thing your ex wants to see is you moping about, reading into his/her every word, sending text after text or even worse, begging her to come back to you. Immediate turn off for anybody, never mind an ex.
Sometimes, of course, it is impossible to cut ties completely, mainly due to money owed or children. This can be the most difficult. Trying to be friendly with someone you really don't want to be with so they pay you back what they owe or speak to you about the children's school clothes. Cannot be bothered. Then the bribery, 'If you don't do this then you won't get that.' Shaking my head at that nonsense. Pay what you owe, you borrowed it; you pay it back.
I also read a lot of blogs online advising people how to get their ex back. They are an ex for a reason so why would you want to get back with them? It’s no-ones fault the relationship, you just weren’t compatible. When the relationship ends, let go and move on. Be strong and never look back, no matter how hard it is. Keep Moving Forward. I'd rather shoot myself than go back to any of my exes.
Once you do this there will then be a space in your life to start afresh with someone new that could make you truly happy instead of living in the shadows of a stale daydream which, if you’re honest with yourself, never made you truly happy in the first place.
I'll keep you all updated with my new dating disasters got three lined up for this week. They'll never be exes as they're never going to get that far. Well never say never. Now listen to this song, accept it's over, take it calmly and serene and be happy you're free of each other. I cannot tell you how happy I am.